It was just a dream…

There are some dreams that you will wake up from, and tell yourself that it is just a dream. You will lock down all emotion that have come from that dream. You will view anything associating with that dream as nothing more than emotions for something that doesn’t exist, and you will convince yourself that it is nothing more than an illusion created from your imagination. You will do everything in your power to keep yourself from breaking down, and yet you will question why it is effecting you so.

And it will be because there is a part of your brain that says “No it isn’t” or “this is real”. And it will ring the truest for you. You will feel it in your heart, after several nights of dreaming that several days have gone by with this person, as you have narrowly avoided death and pain, that no matter what you say to yourself, that is wasn’t just a dream.

You will see her smiling face looking up at you, telling you that she is not afraid, and that she loves you, and that when she is around you she is safe. And the memory of her smiling face will be burned into your mind as every time you close your eyes, you see her die. And you will try to ignore the anguish because, even though this is a dream, you don’t want her to go knowing that you are alone without her now, and you will feel the loss of someone dear to you. In your heart you will feel the loss.

And you will feel the loss…

And for the first time in any dreaming and waking moment. You will look down at your waking form and feel human. And for the first time since your started dreaming about violence and fighting and wars, you won’t feel the numbness that you have built up to keep yourself from thinking about all of the death. You will feel pain and anguish from the loss of someone that you have come to expect every night just as much as you expect the sun every day. And when you know that no living soul is watching, you will cry.

And you cannot let any living soul see you cry because, after all, it was just a dream. Because everyone will tell you, dreams aren’t real. And because dreams aren’t real, you lock it up, and you tell yourself that it was just a dream and all emotions connected to the dream doesn’t exist.

…but it does…