My body is always awake because my soul is always asleep. For most this is not a problem. Most people spend their whole lives without waking up their soul. But my soul awakens like an eruption from a volcano. And it is powerful, cunning, and cruel. Usually it only wakes up for defending the ones I love or the honor of someone I respect.
However it waking up without that need is what is making me nervous. I know that I have trained for this but the kind of power that comes from my soul is nothing like my waking mind. most people like my waking mind, but almost none have seen my soul in action and the ones that do are thankful that I am on their side.
Only two groups of people have seen it, totaling in a number less than 50. Both thought it was awesome. Only 3 people have seen the effects on me once the event was over and I was still erupting.
I know that this state is what my goal is but that does not make me any less scared to “push the big red button”.
So I am not allowed to list names, places, marks or what marks do, or really any of the stuff that I really want to put. However I can put down what is left and what is happening to me. On the astral, there are times when the pain is so bad that I black out only to wake up in my physical body hours later. The marks hurt like hell, but make me stronger than most things in hell. Unfortunatly I am still not past the ritual part so there is only so much that I can say about this.
Short version of what is happening is that I am being split down to my core. At first I didn’t know that this meant but now I am getting it. I am pretty much being reverted to my first memories alive. Other things are being stripped away as well, like my ability to contain my emotions, something that I worked hard on for many years.
The things that are left are raw emotions, impulsiveness, and untangled mind, and, strangely enough, two instincts. These two instincts are best defined as predatorial and territorial. Something else that is left is a form and an astral set of armor. The form is that of a Nemean Lion, which is the lion that Herakules had to kill on his challenges. This lion is golden of color, and is invincible from any external attacks. The lion was the first creature that I identified with in this life and it appears to be resurfacing as the “Base” of my soul. The “armor” is really a demonic exoskeleton that looks like a bone white, semi draconic, skeletal creature. A hollow from bleach might be a good discription minus the hole in it. This armor is almost impenetrable and is immune to most internal attacks.
The ritual master says that these are the base of my soul when created by the gods. Both seem to be nods to both my astral parents (a demon and an elf) and my creator parents (Hades and Hethert-Sekhmet). If this is indeed the base of my soul, I will build on this with confidence. I consider myself blessed to have been given this chance to have a fresh start and to build my soul without the insults and pains of being bullied. most of those pains have been stripped away and I cannot really recall what it was like.
So let me end this with something that I don’t say nearly often enough. HAILS AND THANKS TO THE GODS AND ANCESTORS.