Some people believe that everyone has a choice. To be happy, to express emotions, they believe that these are basic choices.
I am not one of those people, but I don’t also believe that everything is planned out by some higher power. No higher power has the ability to control every choice and reaction.
This may seem odd to you reading it, and you are probably thinking “If he doesn’t believe that people have choices but he doesn’t believe that a higher power controls all of it, then what does he believe?”
I believe that everyone has choices, but I don’t believe that everyone has a choice to be happy or express emotions. There are some that it is their duty to be ok for others. Thus they loose the ability to choose to express emotions. These are the people that when asked if they are ok they will respond with a sad smile on their faces and say “I don’t have a choice but to be ok.”
These are the strongest people as well as some of the weakest. They are like a slab of granite, thick and strong, but they are under such a great stress that you can see the cracks.
People will try to help them by letting them vent but most of the time they just cannot. They may get one or two sentences out and then suddenly stop. It isn’t even an intentional reaction. They will just stop and will sit there confused, pondering “why can’t I say more?”
The reason is fear. They are afraid, they think that if they admit, vent, or express anything than their world, and they themselves, will crumble. And the ones that have tried expressing it and what they feared came true, those are the ones that lock up and are truly forced to be ok. Because society forces us to be ok, the fates force us to be ok, we cannot allow ourselves to be anything but ok.
We are the pillars of the world and we will always be ok.
So last night/all of yesterday I have been contemplating my powers for the astral work I do so I called upon my gods to help me figure it out. The way that they put it is that it is like being (excuse the dnd 4e terms) an invoker/ divine warlock, mixed with a sorcerer or a swordmage. Now the second two I understand but the first two get me confused. Technically, the power I use it my own, and not called upon from high(or low in the case of Hades) however it was granted to me by either a pact or a covenant with a higher power.
For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about for dnd stuff that I am referencing to, a warlock is someone that makes a pact with a creature or being that gives him/her powers, a sorcerer is someone who has that power already inside them that can force it out via will or strength of mind, a swordmage is someone who has learned arcane arts to enhance how they use their swords, and an invoker is someone who has made a covenant with a deity to gain powers to destroy things that would destroy all that the gods have made.
The good news is that my gods understand DnD… the bad news is that they were more than less than unhelpful. The way that they put it is that I have the same job as an invoker, and I do invoke the power of the gods to destroy their enemies, but I have powers in a way that is more closely related to a warlock. They said that they did grant me my powers and crafted it into me since the birth of my soul, but unlike how DnD views divine casters, mine cannot be taken away unless I die.
The reason that I am want to know how my astral powers work and where they come from is because I don’t want to have to rely on someone or something, especially if they are higher up. It unnerves me.
Like i said earlier… more than less than unhelpful. Well it is just stuff for me to meditate on.
This is mostly to the gamers out there but I swear that my Magic TCG cards(mostly the legendaries) actually have personalities and spirits in them that come out when I mess with them.
I know the philosophy is that once you devote so much energies to something they take a life of its own… Except the legendaries are matching up to how other people are “feeling” the legendaries are acting.
For example, Niv-Mizzet. His Fire-mind side(like the card) is very sarcastic and a prick. And he also likes people figure out plans on their own. His Dracogenious side (like the OTHER card) is still a prick but likes to give options and ideas and likes to show off more than his firemind side.
But this is not the only example, For every legendaries and plainswalkers, people get similar “feels” for them, even if they haven’t read any of the official stories that Wizards has come out with. It is weird…