Last night’s lessons

Last night Freyja told me to do something that was unthinkable.. She told me to fight her.
She was dressed in full battle regalia wit a boar spear in one hand an a shield on the other. She was angry at something that I had done. Her first strikes almost killed me. I remember them well. First an overhead, one handed strike using the length of the spear to attack at a distance. I blocked it by jumping back. The second was a thrust where she let her hand slide down the length of the spear, catching it at the butt of the weapon. This one scratched my side. The third was a spin that caught me on my cheek. After these three attacks she stepped in close with the spear at my heart.
Glaring she said, “fight me and defend yourself or you will die.”

I was crying. I didn’t want to fight her. I wanted to curl up and be left alone, but still she pressed on. After avoiding and evading for a while to get let my mind go numb and fight without cause or restraint, something clicked. Something dark, vile, and all together unpleasant woke up inside me. Before I had time to push it down, it erupted and covered me in a sludge of shadows. I am vaguely aware of what happened next. I remember shouts of “How could you?” and “Why me?” I remember every time I felt crushed, every time I felt scared, and every time I felt alone. And then the most shocking one came.
I saw two from the darkness. Both are women that I love. One I have never courted, the other I did. The one that I courted I looked at her and screamed. and I screamed and screamed… And I let out all of my anger for what she has said to me, for what she has said behind my back.
At the other, I looked and just asked “why?” before I felt my mind split open by a spear.

I woke up to Nyx holding me and speaking to me in what I though was spanish. It was probably latin but at that point I was so exhausted that I couldn’t tell. I closed my eyes again and woke up with Nyx holding me up, Hades off to the right, Set off on the left, and in front of me was Freyja and a dragon that I call Gima.

I looked at Freyja and hoarsely asked “Why?”

“Because,” She said, “If you lock your heartache up and push down your tears like you do by nature, then you will never grow, you will never get stronger, and you will die. We don’t want you to die. And I won’t let you feel heart ache over someone that I promised you.”

The dragon spoke next.”To be unfettered by the problems of the past and to see the merry things in the world all while selflessly working to help those around you. That is when you will know peace and that is when happiness will be given to you. Support your family, guard your land, and respect all things that have come before you. Follow those three things and good shall come your way. Forget one, and your life will be a harsh one. And never let the bad in life stop you.”
I know that I have lots of personal issues but I will try to follow this advice. It will be hard because I don’t deal with heart break well but I will try to follow it.

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