She is amazing, beautiful, sexy, smart, caring, cute, funny, and sweet. She is short, brown hair, brown eyes, and curvy in a way that attracts my eyes to her body every time I see her. I cannot help it. She has one hand that has four fingers that is the most adorable thing I have seen. She fits well when I hold her. I sleep well when I am next to her. I smile when I am in her presence. Everything about this woman is attractive. I feel that the wrongs that she may do are small and not worth being bothered over. The last time I felt this way about anyone was about my girlfriend, and we have lasted three years. I feel that with her by my side all drama is petty, all weaknesses don’t exist, and all fears can be ignored. I look at her and smile because of how much I love her.
She is beautiful, yet she does not think so. She suffers from chronic depression. I want to be the one that takes her out of it. She deserves to be loved and I want to be the one that gives her all the love that she requires. I want to be the reason that she wakes up smiling.

Some days I the only thing on my mind is her, and I get afraid because I feel that I will never be her’s or that she will never want me and will always seek someone else. No longer. My passions are my strength and she is my passion.

I truly, honestly love her, and there is not a single phrase that explains it better. I have tried resisting my love for her. But somehow this love is so powerful that if glides past all of that.


How I see gods.

First, I want to give a warning. I am not going to hold back. If you don’t like it or might get offended, turn back now. Like I said, No Hold Backs.

In my eyes the gods are very powerful, mostly helpful beings that should be respected, no matter the religion. However, I have noticed a pattern with religions of this time, or at least with the practitioners of religion. They believe that the gods are always helpful and kind and will always have your back. Sadly, in my travels into the unseen and journeys to the libraries in this area, this is rarely the case. The gods are dangerous as well as helpful. They are not as nice as a lot of people may say. And this goes for the Christian god as well. <– That should get a lot of people angry. But its true. He killed firstborn children. He did several things that I look back on and find it revolting. Not going to put what revloted me so because, honestly I don’t care about talking about him. He does not interest me much anymore.

My main topic is all of the idiotic pagans out there that believe that all the gods are “Fluffy”. That is what I consider it. I had a wiccain flat out tell me that Gaia/Gaea is a kind generous mother. WRONG!!! Millennial Gaia is that. Gaia/Gaea was a cruel woman that convinced her prettiest son to kill his father. Not her eldest, not the kindest that would rule well, the one that she liked the most because he was like her. The Millennial part is VERY important because without it you are talking about the literal Mother-of-all-Badguys!

I have met so many people that have told me that what I have experienced was flat out wrong. The strangest one was that one girl, an actual sweet person too, told me that Athena loves me(and all) and would help me out in any situation…. I fell out of the chair ’cause I was laughing too hard. Athena sends me death threats on a regular basis. She believes that I am a womanizing man-whore who always goes after her chosen favored women. In truth, I have standards and her daughters/chosen ones fit the bill. Athena does not love all. In fact she looks down on most of us mortals. For good reason too. I have found that the Greek are some of the most dangerous and yet somehow people play them off as playful. When I do, its in a joking manner. Hell, even Hades, the one that is my Father, terrifies me. Yeah I feel safe but that does not mean that he is any less dangerous, in fact when I project to a mutual meeting place, he hands me a training sword and kicks my ass.

The ones that piss me off the most though would have to be all of the hard headed Kemetic people that insist that the gods are not to be feared. Yet when I see a 5000 year old Jackle headed warrior god, I tend to have a bit of fear. Again with the strangest one. This one was about Sobek. Several people have told me that there is nothing to be afraid of. Well, in responce to them, take a step in my body and get threatened to be drowned, smashed in rapids, and then have my broken corps feasted upon by creatures of the river, THEN tell me that there is nothing to be feared. They seem to forget that the gods have animal heads to represent their primal side. Bast has the head of a cat. This does not mean that she is a fluffy kitty. She is like all outside cats. A hunter. And has been known to kill very easily.

My point is that gods are dangerous, should be feared on several occasions, helpful when they like you, and all and all to be respected. My suggestion is: Read up on mythologies of the ancient world, project your soul to the gods of your pantheon, and figure out if your image of the gods is realistic and not a projection of what you want them to be. And If by chance they have not changed after about 2 years of research and working with them, then congratulations your are loved by your gods. Try to keep it that way.

Journey away from Kemet and into Dreams.

It has been a week since I have left the house. In that week I have meditated on where I want to go next. I was about to settle on Shinto, then I had a dream where Din, the golden goddess of power from the Legend of Zelda series appeared. Being a dream, I thought this was normal. And then I realized that the energies and power coming from this being was on the level of a minor god in Hellenic. It shocked me. She looked at me and said, “Look to us.”

I consulted several of my gods and everything feel right. So my next place I am going is into dreams and the gods that inhabit them. What I know of dreams, it is easy to be lost and end up mad very quickly. I will be posting what I learned about the gods of the LoZ. Now I know that people are going to say its a stupid idea because its just dreams. Well, in response to that, so is how most of the gods talk to us anyways.

May the gods guide me safe and true, I am going to need it.

Religious experiance

One of the Titles that I have given myself is the Far Traveler. Its because I move from one religion to the next, learning what is needed and then moving on. I really don’t like it but it happens none the less. When I am done learning I always get the same feeling. “You are not welcomed. Move on.” Even if people say that they love my company, I still internally feel like I am un-welcomed. Now I am at the end of me learning about Kemet (ancient Egyptian gods) and again I feel like everything is “club exclusive” to the higher members. The Shemsu all know each other very well, but it seems that the remetj are sort of unknown. I have been on there for just under a year and I know that some people will say “Give it more time.” But this is something that I have noticed about the Shemsu. The connection between them is stronger than with the remetj, even if the remetj are constant posters. I know the reason why. To become shemsu a person has to graduate from the beginner’s class to become a remetj, go through the Right of Parental Divination, and take shemsu vows and get named. I know from personal experience that stuff like that will tie people together, and I know that I am probably one of the few people in the world that it bothers to the degree that I will leave something. I don’t want to be shemsu. So not having the same comradeship that the shemsu have is hurtful. I am a watcher. I don’t post often, because I like to watch the interactions between people and this is nothing more than me watching.

There is no reason for me to stay. So its time that I move on to my next religious experience.